Freedom To Be Different, Vulnerable, Candid, Make Mistakes!

The girls went home with our friend Jenn for a sleepover right after sledding yesterday. DH and I treasured memorable time spent with DS alone--it's special when he's the only child for the night.

This morning, the sun broke. It's very inviting today after days of snow and rain. At 1, we finally picked up the girls and their friends McKayla and AJ, and met up at The Bruskiewicz's rental home in Providence District. It's too bad Erin was just picking up Peter and Sam and driving off when we were just getting there! At least, the kids enjoyed hanging out with Max and Ben and each other. It's a challenge though to keep the place clear as Mark and Prue were cleaning the place and doing a few maintenance. We were there for a good 3 hours. It made it relatively long day for all of us. After dropping off McKayla back home (reluctantly we hung out again for a bit longer than DH would like), we headed home ourselves with AJ sleeping over. The rest of the night was relatively mild. The boys were easy going...they all went to bed before 11! I get to sit back, relax, reflect, and muse on a few thoughts.

It still bothers me todate whenever I hear other parents, especially those in Christ, discussing behavior issues they have with their children. I really want to scream from the top of my lung "Stop practicing image control, monitoring behavior, deportment and looking the right way."

I used to care what others think of my children's behaviors because, if they behave inappropriately, I thought others may perceive such behaviors as my lacking parenting ability. I decided not to let people's judgments be a motivating factor in correcting my children. Others do not know my children's hearts like I do. What might be perfectly normal behavior for my boys and girls might make another parent roll their eyes and sigh. Because of this now, I seek to affectionately request that they adjust their behaviors when I see it necessary, not when another person makes a comment or other expression that shows their displeasure.

One of the best definitions of love I've ever seen or heard was spelled out clearly in Grace Based Parenting by Dr. Kimmell. Love is the commitment of my will to your needs and best interests, regardless of the cost. Think of how different our world could be if we all apply this type of love fully, all the time with our children and other people in our lives.

The driving, inner needs of all children are the need for security, significance, and strength. One of my goals as parent is to meet these needs in every breath I take. These needs must be met every day of their precious lives.

Grace-based families are homes where children are given be be be make mistakes!

I accept my children unconditionally regardless of merit, serves their needs without a sense of obligation, and motivates them to a higher holiness without condemnation. My relationship with my children is NOT based on their behaviors! I don't aim our children toward success, focusing on wealth, beauty, power and fame. Instead, I try my best to raise our children to look "upwards and outwards all the time" with a humble, grateful, generous, and servant's heart.

1 encouragements:

Stephanie said...

Thank You Sarah!
Very well put and I agree and you know I'm working hard at honoring my kids individuality.

True learning-learning that is permanent and useful,that leads to intelligent action and further learning, can arise only out of the experience, interest, and concerns of the learner.
John Holt
Real heroes are men who fall, fail and are flawed, but win out in the end because they stayed true to their ideals, beliefs and commitments.
Actor Kevin Costner

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