No Guarantee in Life

Traditional parenting is based on earning love and approval
by exhibiting the 'right' attitudes and 'right' behavior.
Love is not earned--it is given

Like every nurturing, loving parent, Mommylicious raised these valid concerns, "But what should I do when she refuses to eat veggies.......and all she wants is candy? What should I do when she hits another child because she wants their toy? There are going to be times when she will "break" the rules. How should I handle that? How do you handle when your children do something that you don't like? Will the Grace-Based parenting book teach me how to handle situations like this? I am very curious.....because I don't want my daughter to grow up thinking I have coerced her to be something that she in not. I want to train her towards her bent in life.....but at the same time...I have the responsibility to teach her right from wrong..."

How I wish I can tell you ONE BOOK that will do the magic, give you the assurance I too long for. Like millions, I too started parenting in the traditional way, the only and best way I knew how. Through many trials and errors, to my own demise, I discovered the hard way traditional way doesn't allow me to raise my children in the way I now believe God intended.

Quoting a wise, unschooler mom, "Traditional parenting is based on fear of punishment. Jesus taught that the greatest commandment is to love God and love each other. Real love cannot coexist with fear.

There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear
because fear has to do with punishment.
The one who fears is not made perfect in love.~~I John 4:8

We can't be in real relationship with someone that we are afraid of. We can never be who we really are with them because we are always afraid of what they might think of us or what they might do when we disappoint them. When our children are afraid of us they will always hide part of themselves from us.

When I stopped assuming that my kids were always trying to push my buttons and started assuming that they were just being kids, the whole atmosphere in my house changed. It really helped me when I started trying to see my kids the way God sees them. He accepts and loves them just the way they are. I try very hard to make my home a safe place to make mistakes. I talk a lot about the mistakes I have made so
my kids are okay with the idea of messing up. How do you not have rules and consequences and manage to have kids that respect and listen to their parents, that participate for the good of the family that don't 'rule' and are the 'center' of the household and that understand the rights/needs of others? Is this even reasonable to expect at these [young] ages [10 and 12]??? I teach my children to understand and respect the rights and needs of others by respecting their rights and needs. I don't know how to let go and still keep them safe and keep them aware of not only their own rights/needs/wants but those of others and keep some amount of respect for the house we live in, too. Consider the idea of houses aren't worthy of respect. Accidentally spilling something on the carpet because you forget about bringing your drink in the room isn't disrespectful--it's an accident. Accidents happen because we all make mistakes."

Instead of thinking tug-of-war--one party lets go, the other is flying backwards to land who-knows-how-or-where--see your life with your precious princess as a wonderful journey that you are all on together. She sometimes may fall along the path and scrape her knees or drop her lunch in the creek. But, you and your mother are always there kiss her boo boos and give her you own sandwich.

The change in my way of thinking, living, learning, parenting did not happen overnight. God showed me, others, and He will show you too. Ask Him. He promises that He will. "I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go; I will counsel you and watch over you."~~Psalm 32:8 Keep your eyes and ears open, your precious princess will lead you to the answers that you seek.

Babies don't require a whole lot of materialistic possession. They don't have to be dressed from The Gap. They don't really need those fancy toys. Before making a life altering decision, think the well being of your precious princess. She will grow up happy and loved...with you.

Nope...there is no guarantee in this life. Life happens. Things change. Circumstances change. Things don't always turn out as you and I hope or plan. Things may be stressful--but with the support of friends--(you who lift me up every time I am knocked down!) I know things will get better! I will be much wiser...Why are our eyes positioned in front? God did not place our eyes on our back so we may look ahead of us, think about the past no more. I often ponder the thoughts. Setbacks are part and parcel of life.More on this to come.

2 encouragements:

Kaylynn's Mommy said...

Thank You Sarah!

Hilaree said...

Hi Sarah, I love it when mindful parents quote Scripture and do it well - I just have chills over your post! Thank you so much for the reminder that perfect love casts out fear. We really cannot be in a true relationship with our children if they are terrified of us. Even our Heavenly Father wants us to cherish our time with him, not be badgered or coerced into believing. Peace to you, girl! Keep up the good work. Hugs.

True learning-learning that is permanent and useful,that leads to intelligent action and further learning, can arise only out of the experience, interest, and concerns of the learner.
John Holt
Real heroes are men who fall, fail and are flawed, but win out in the end because they stayed true to their ideals, beliefs and commitments.
Actor Kevin Costner

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