The girls went home with our friend Jenn for a sleepover right after sledding yesterday. DH and I treasured memorable time spent with DS alone--it's special when he's the only child for the night.This morning, the sun broke. It's very inviting today after days of snow and rain. At 1, we finally picked up the girls and their friends McKayla and AJ, and met up at The Bruskiewicz's rental home in Providence District. It's too bad Erin was just picking up Peter and Sam and driving off when we were just getting there! At least, the kids enjoyed hanging out with Max and Ben and each other. It's a challenge though to keep the place clear as Mark and Prue were cleaning the place and doing a few maintenance. We were there for a good 3 hours. It made it relatively long day for all of us. After dropping off McKayla back home (reluctantly we hung out again for a bit longer than DH would like), we headed home ourselves with AJ sleeping over. The rest of the night was relatively mild. The boys were easy going...they all went to bed before 11! YIPPY...now I get to sit back, relax, reflect, and muse on a few thoughts.
It still bothers me todate whenever I hear other parents, especially those in Christ, discussing behavior issues they have with their children. I really want to scream from the top of my lung "Stop practicing image control, monitoring behavior, deportment and looking the right way."
I used to care what others think of my children's behaviors because, if they behave inappropriately, I thought others may perceive such behaviors as my lacking parenting ability. I decided not to let people's judgments be a motivating factor in correcting my children. Others do not know my children's hearts like I do. What might be perfectly normal behavior for my boys and girls might make another parent roll their eyes and sigh. Because of this now, I seek to affectionately request that they adjust their behaviors when I see it necessary, not when another person makes a comment or other expression that shows their displeasure.
One of the best definitions of love I've ever seen or heard was spelled out clearly in Grace Based Parenting by Dr. Kimmell. Love is the commitment of my will to your needs and best interests, regardless of the cost. Think of how different our world could be if we all apply this type of love fully, all the time with our children and other people in our lives.
The driving, inner needs of all children are the need for security, significance, and strength. One of my goals as parent is to meet these needs in every breath I take. These needs must be met every day of their precious lives.
Grace-based families are homes where children are given FREEDOM...to be different...to be vulnerable...to be candid...to make mistakes!
I accept my children unconditionally regardless of merit, serves their needs without a sense of obligation, and motivates them to a higher holiness without condemnation. My relationship with my children is NOT based on their behaviors! I don't aim our children toward success, focusing on wealth, beauty, power and fame. Instead, I try my best to raise our children to look "upwards and outwards all the time" with a humble, grateful, generous, and servant's heart.
At a casual gathering, conversations among friends turned to complaints about each other's lives. Offering her friends hot cocoa, the hostess returned from the kitchen with a large pot of hot chocolate and a variety of ceramic, glass, porcelain, and crystal mugs--some were expensive and exquisite; others rather plain--telling them to help themselves to hot choco.
With a cup of hot cocoa in hand, the hostess spoke up (noticing all the expensive, nice mugs were taken, leaving plain and inexpensive ones behind.) While it is normal for you to want only the best for yourselves, that is the source of your problems and stress. The mug you’re drinking from adds nothing to the quality of the hot cocoa. In most situations, it is just more expensive and in some even hides what we drink. What all of you really wanted was hot cocoa, not the mug; but you consciously went for the best mugs…And then you began eyeing each other’s mugs.
Life is hot cocoa; my job, my money and my position in society are mugs. They are just vehicles to hold and contain life. The mug I have does not define or change the quality of life I have. Sometimes, by concentrating only on the mug, I fail to enjoy the hot cocoa God has provided me. God makes the hot cocoa, man chooses the mug. The happiest people don’t have the best of everything. They just make the best of everything that they have.
